When the idea of creativity gets the better of you, it’s hard to think about anything else. I’ve always been told that I am a creative person, even though it took me a while to believe that I was. When I decided to embrace that, things were good, until I had the amazing luck of having an insane version of writer's block, except it, didn’t just apply to writing, it applied to every aspect of creativity; from drawing, to painting, to photography and even simple things like cooking. You see, I love the idea of creativity, and I love being creative. I see so many people being their most unique and creative selves through social media (which is probably where the issues begin), and I’m just so proud of every single person, from those who are part of the same “influencer” group I’m in, to creatives I’ve never even met before. I end up putting myself under such excruciating pressure that I end up not creating anything at all. The last time I created a new piece of photography was in November, and sure you can put it down to holiday blues, but I’m always going in and out of this mood of creativity. I’ll tell you one thing, it damn sucks, yet I know it’s because I keep comparing myself to others. Hard not to do when it’s human nature.
And it sucks that what circulates across the internet gets to me, a lot, when it really shouldn’t and I really should just be creating what I want, photographing what interests me, but I find myself looking at what others might want from me, or how to create something I’m not. And it makes me feel a bit like a fraud at times. Even when I have these amazing ideas, I’m always comparing it to things I’ve done before or things other people had done, and it becomes this syndrome that many other photographers or creators have experienced before me. Which just comes to show that I’m not special at all, but for some reason, I don’t see many others talking about it so much. Not today in the age of the internet, even though the world we live in today, contributes the most to this.
It’s ironic that the creativity surrounding this article today is based on not being creative. And I know that going on a rant about something isn’t creative, and maybe I’m just not as creative as other people think I am. But it is all just a process. Over the course of 2018, there were pieces of content I loved, things I created and adored, I felt like I was more in the groove of creating different pieces, and things started to change in this area of my life. Yet it’s the year where I felt the least creative. I finally quit Youtube, even though I kept going back and forth for years over doing this Youtube channel, I decided it wasn’t worth it, not anymore. Perhaps I’ll find another way to produce video content and upload it directly to my site instead. Maybe all the ups and downs are just yin and yang. But I do know I was the harshest critic on what I created over the year.
Maybe this gives you a slight insight into what I’m thinking about when I’m creating. Maybe these words mean nothing and you’re here to look at my images for this post. Or maybe this section of my site is still dedicated to myself, and my own little musings (whether that’s the ongoings of my mind, or something interesting like a trip to Japan).
Images taken by Tiffany Kennedy & Connor Brian
On a Nikon D3200 & iPhone Xs